Rewind to about 4 years ago — my high school graduation, one of the happiest days of my life. I did it. I conquered 4 years of awkward pimples, insignificant teenage dramas that felt like the end of the world and never truly feeling like I “fit in” anywhere. *Insert “deep” metaphor comparing graduation to conquering Mount Everest.* 

Why was my high school graduation one of the happiest days of my life? Was it because I was moving on to bigger and better things? Sure. Was it because I felt like I finally finished a critical chapter of my life? Meh. Was it because I was glad that I’d never have to come back and see the faces of 98% of my graduating class? Ding dong deng~! Bingo! Hell to the yes! Or so I thought… 

Now fast forward to today. Physically, I no longer roam the halls of the godforsaken institution where my spirit was crammed into a tiny cage and prodded by spectators carrying goads. Mentally, I feel like I’m there all over again. Of course, I’m over-exaggerating. High school wasn’t that bad. Neither is being in a KPOP fandom. But, there are some similarities — at least in my mind.     

Cliques, drama, rumors. 

So, cliques. “You got your freshmen, preps, Asian nerds, cool Asians, varsity jocks, unfriendly black hotties, girls who eat their feelings…” -snaps back- Sorry, Mean Girls moment. Anyhow, each individual fandom is already its own clique — Sone, Blackjack, Shawol, Kamilia, ELF, etc. Within each clique are sub-cliques. Taeganger, Gorjess Spazzer, Sunshiner, etc. And even within those sub-cliques, there are sub-sub-cliques — no official names, just people who prefer to associate with each other. I know that wishing for cliques to magically disappear is a bit Utopian, but this girl likes to dream big. I suppose cliques are only natural. People who are similar to each other want to associate with each other. What drives me nuts about cliques is when they get catty. 

**That’s right. Catty. Anyway…** 

This is where the drama and rumors come in. People calling each other out. Making up and spreading hateful rumors. Calling other groups/idols hateful names. Refusing to support anyone but their own idol(s). Stomping on/bashing anyone but their own idol(s). Everyone’s a slut, or too cutesy, or too different, or not original enough, or overrated, or underrated, or too plastic, or too plain, or whatever the hell else. Yes, we’re all entitled to our own opinion. But what some artistically disinclined fans have yet to learn is how to draw the line between having an opinion and bashing/”hating” on someone. While I may not be completely innocent, I still do my best to steer clear of the drama because heart disease runs in my family and I need to keep tabs on my blood pressure. But, I’m sure you can understand the frustration that comes from even witnessing it. 

If you haven’t noticed any of the aforementioned — I’m legitimately jealous of you. I’ve done my best to distance myself from KPOP just enough to not see these things either. Because let’s face it, going through high school once was more than enough. 

(Source: xocescaxo)

To celebrate Kim Taeyeon’s birthday, I’ll be hosting a small giveaway! Thanks to the anonymous donor who generously offered the prize. :) 

• What am I giving away? 1 copy, SNSD - The Boys (American Album) 
• Who can participate? Anyone - that means you! And you! And you, too!
• Is there an age restriction? No, just make sure your parents are okay with you giving out personal details (i.e. your address) if you’re a minor.
• What do I have to do? Reblog/Like as many times as you want. Each reblog/like counts as an entry. You don’t need to be a follower. 
• When does the giveaway end? Friday, March 16, 2012 
• How will the winner be chosen? A random number generator 
• What happens if I win? I’ll make an announcement on both Twitter and Tumblr that someone has won. I’ll notify the winner via his/her Tumblr Ask Box at which point they’ll have 48hrs to give me more info. Otherwise, another winner will be chosen.
• Questions? Leave them in my Ask Box :) 

Good luck!

This is a rant post. It won’t be all unicorns and rainbows and butterflies. I’m warning you ahead of time because I know some people may get offended by what I have to say. If you’re easily offended, I recommend you move along. :)

I’ve been ignoring this for a while because I saw no point in ranting about it. Ranting generally leads to arguments, fighting and confrontation — all of which make me squirm like a kid who’s about to get a painful booster shot. But, I recently saw a tweet that, I suppose, caused me to crack. 

Some people seem to think that there are “rules” to being a fan, and more specifically, being a S♥NE. We have to buy albums, listen to all their songs, support them in every poll, obsess about them 24/7 and love all 9. Don’t meet the criteria? You aren’t a S♥NE, some say. 

Here’s the thing. There are no “rules” to being a fan. The way I see it, if you like the group, you’re a fan. There’s no job description associated with being a S♥NE and I have yet to see a list of duties and obligations. 

So no, I don’t have to buy every single album, photobook, poster or any sort of merchandise to prove my fandom. If I have the luxury of being able to afford these items, and if I want to purchase them, that is my prerogative. That doesn’t make me unsupportive. I find other ways to support and cheer our girls on. I save up to see them in concerts, I watch their music videos, I stay up to watch them on music shows, I vote for them in polls. I’m not any less of a fan. 

I’m also not any less of a fan because I have a bias. I respect all 9 women. I appreciate all 9 as hardworking, ambitious, talented individuals who all contribute something essential to the team. Each is unique. Each is a vital piece of the beautiful puzzle that is SNSD. Each has her strengths and weaknesses. But, that doesn’t mean I love all 9 equally. I love and respect them all — but I don’t love them equally. And I am not apologizing for that. I won’t apologize for that. When I see my bias acting adorable, I can barely suppress my squeals. When I see her strutting on stage like the sexy woman she is, my heart flutters and my breath stops. And when she sings? It’s as if all my troubles melt away, leaving only warm, fuzzy feelings. The other 8 make me feel this way, too, but to a lesser degree. It’s not that they aren’t equally cute, sexy or talented. It’s just that I share a connection with my bias that I don’t with the others. It’s not something I control. It just sort of… happens. 

In my mind, the “rules” to being a “true fan” are simple: Enjoy their music. Support them in any way you see fit. Respect them. You’re a S♥NE. 

cr; gif makers

(Source: xocescaxo)

“JIGEUMEUN SO NYUH SHI DAE! (지금은 소녀시대!)

APPEURODO SO NYUH SHI DAE! (앞으로도 소녀시대!)

YEONGWONHI SO NYUH SHI DAE! (영원히 소녀시대!)”

We all know and love this classic fan chant. Right now it’s SNSD, In the future it’s SNSD, Forever it’s SNSD! But lately, I’ve been thinking — this won’t all last forever. One day it’ll come to an end. Maybe I’ll gradually lose interest in SNSD and KPOP. Maybe work and school will become too overwhelming, and I’ll be forced to withdraw from the fandom. But in all likelihood, it’ll all end when SNSD stops being SNSD. One day, the girls will go their separate ways. 

And what happens then?

What will become of SONEs? Where will we all be 5 or 10 years from now? 

I wonder if we’ll find a new group to spazz about. Maybe we’ll find a group just similar enough to SNSD to spark our interests, but different enough so as not to be considered copycats. Maybe this new group will fill the empty void in our hearts that was once occupied by Taeyeon, Jessica, Sunny, Tiffany, Hyoyeon, Yuri, Sooyoung, Yoona and Seohyun. Maybe we’ll come to love this new group as much as we loved SNSD — learn all their dance moves, memorize their lyrics, come up with fan chants. And maybe we’ll spazz about this new group, buy all their merchandise, stay up to watch them perform and support them through all their ups and downs. 

But maybe we won’t. Maybe we’ll forget about all of this years from now and settle back into our regular lives. We’ll get preoccupied with college or grad school applications. Work becomes more of a priority. Some of us may even get married and have children. 

And inevitably, we’ll one day forget about those crazy people on the internet who consumed so much of our time back in the day.

So enjoy the fandom now, SONEs. Attend concerts. Spazz until you can feel the beat of your heart in your chest. Celebrate every award, every solo concert, every interview, every victory. Dance until your breath is ragged and your shirt is soaked with sweat. Sing proudly — even if you don’t know the lyrics. Wonder about the newest concepts, songs and music videos. Stand in awe of the incredible strength of our SONE community, all banding together to love and support 9 girls who forever changed our lives. 

Enjoy what you have now so that one day, you can happily reminisce about all that you had. 

cr; picture/gif uploaders and editors

(Source: xocescaxo)

I’m a proud SONE. I incorporate as much pink as I can into my daily life. My bathrobe is pink, my shaving cream is pink, my workout attire is pink, even my stapler is pink. When I’m on my computer, I spazz about the girls’ latest magazine shoots, song releases and awards. I try to keep up with all of their current activities. I cheer our girls on. I vote for them in polls. I laugh with them during interviews and variety shows. I cry with and for them when I see them struggle. I worry about their health. I’m glad when they take long breaks but I miss them, too. I poke fun at their flaws. I marvel at their goddess-like beauty. I celebrate their wide array of talents. I stay up late and wake up early to see them perform. I’m tempted to buy whatever new product they’re endorsing.

When haters call our girls promiscuous, untalented and spoiled, I can’t help but laugh and wonder how their sentiments would change if they simply got to know the girls.

It breaks my heart when I see them pushing themselves to perform, despite them being ill and exhausted. It happens too often. Seohyun during last night’s Pyeongchang Winter Olympic Concert — you could hear her fighting with all her might to belt out her last few lines. Then at the 2011 SM Town New York concert/fanmeet — Taeyeon who could barely breathe and was exhausted beyond belief and Yoona who was struggling with every step — both used sheer will, determination and whatever strength they had left to continue performing. Sunny during their 2011 Japan solo concerts, who went to the hospital mid-show and came back, despite her being ill.

I celebrate with our girls when they win at music shows and award shows. When I see those precious smiles on their faces or the tears of joy streaming down their cheeks, I can’t help but feel a shared sense of accomplishment. We’ve achieved this together — SNSD and SONE. They pour their hearts and souls into everything they do, and they do it for us. And we return the favor by cheering them on along every step of the way. Their happiness becomes my happiness. And in moments like those, when they thank SONEs for supporting them and standing strong beside them, I feel truly happy and content.

I marvel at their many talents. From singing to dancing to acting — is there anything they can’t do? Each girl has her strengths and weaknesses, and that’s the beauty of SNSD. They’re only human, and not a single one of them is truly “perfect”, but together they create a perfect combination of 9 girls. 9 girls who carry themselves with poise and class. 9 girls who are as drop dead sexy as they are cute. 9 girls who surpass expectations and achieve the unthinkable. 9 girls who can be serious when they need to be, but are playful kids at heart. 9 girls who have remained humble and grateful even through their monumental fame and success. 9 girls who treat others with the same respect they deserve. 9 girls who share an enviable, beautiful bond.

But you know what, haters? You go ahead and keep hating. In the end, you’re the ones missing out. You know who you are. The ones who purposefully go out of their way to say nasty things and spread rumors about our girls. The ones who make it their life’s mission to tear our girls down. But don’t you fret. SNSD and SONEs are stronger than that. SONEs will always be there for SNSD. And SNSD will use all that negativity and criticism as fuel for improvement. That’s just the kind of people they are — hard workers, role models and inspiration for SONEs. 

Jigeumeun SNSD! 지금은 소녀시대~!

*cr; gif makers, picture uploaders and editors

(Source: xocescaxo)

“Aww, she’s so cute!” “She’s so adorkable!” “Can I pinch this kid’s cheeks???”

I’m sure we’ve all heard similar comments regarding Taeyeon and you know what? I agree! Taeyeon is absolutely adorable. She’s a kid at heart and I love it. The way she reacts to things, the way she jumps around on stage like a kid who’s a little too hyped up on sugar, the derp faces she makes, her infatuation with stuffed toys and icecream — SHE’S SO DAMN CUTE!!! I can’t get enough!

But, I think we’re all so accustomed to seeing her as a kid leader that we may forget that she’s a beautiful, sexy and mature woman as well. Allow me to demonstrate:

As they say, a picture is worth a thousand words. So, 7 pictures and 1 gif must be worth at least 10 thousand! From her bootylicious body during Genie days to her powerful rocker gaze in The Devil’s Cry to her sexy Victoria’s Secret ensemble in Lady Marmalade — it’s pretty obvious that this “kid leader” has beautiful and sexy down to a tee.  

I don’t understand why some people don’t consider her sexy or beautiful and see her as “just cute”. She’s got a lot more going on. Her soft & demure lips, her glistening almond eyes, her smooth milky skin, the beautiful slope between her neck and shoulders, the subtle definition of her toned thighs, her soft stomach, the way she struts on stage like she owns the place, her intense gaze as she performs — I really could go on forever, but I’m sure you all know how I feel by now!

Are you convinced now? XD

(Source: xocescaxo)

The sun had not yet risen when I was awoken by my blaring alarm siren. 6:50AM on a Thursday during Christmas holidays. Keep in mind that over the break, I’d become accustomed to waking up after noon, and I’m the kind of girl who needs her sleep — so let’s just say I wasn’t thrilled. 

I woke up, disoriented and groggy, only to discover I had missed SNSD’s opening performance. Fantastic. However, A Pink was performing and I soon forgot about this tragedy. I was surprised to see the rookies performing a rather sexy dance. I guess I always saw them as a pure and innocent girl group. So, to be honest, I was on the fence about their performance. On one hand, I’ve always been an advocate for allowing artists to grow up and grow out of their cute/innocent images. On the other hand, MY A PINK BABIES. ;___; I just hated the thought of them abandoning their pure image. Their concepts for ”I Don’t Know” and “My My” were absolutely perfect. But hey, the girls are growing up, I understand and support it. Either way, I thought it was a great performance! The girls got a decent amount of time on stage. A Pink’s star is shining brightly. :)

A lot of the show was a blur. A blur of random names and faces that I’m not familiar with. I remember seeing Miss A and T-ara at some point. A few boy groups here and there. The Brown Eyed Girls and the Wonder Girls were there, too. I think my brain went offline while my eyes stayed open. Like I said earlier, it’s all a blur now. I did take notice of what seemed to be the main themes of the show: Hip Hop and Remixes. There certainly wasn’t a shortage off Hip Hop songs covers and remixes. The remixes that stood out in my mind were SNSD: The Boys, Miss A: Good Bye Baby and Wonder Girls: Be My Baby. The little dance break that was incorporated into The Boys was pure gold. The girls were oozing with charisma. They absolutely made the show! I also really enjoyed the mellow version of Be My Baby. It was a nice change from the usual upbeat, pop version. 

With all that being said, SM Orchestra absolutely BLEW EVERYONE OUT OF THE WATER. This was nothing short of an incredible, jaw dropping, awe-inspiring collection of performances. The artists got to show another side of themselves, talents we hadn’t been exposed to before (or haven’t been exposed to as often). Seohyun on the piano, Tiffany on the flute, Taeyeon rocking it out with The Devil’s Cry. My feelings/thoughts about these performances can pretty much be summed up by the following: OPWUTMPOWEUT0)@_(*^#_(*@$%#)(%*$*%#(@ORHJOM4T30955 TAEYEON YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. Yes. An incoherent string of words, symbols and numbers culminating with an exclamation of Taeyeon’s name. SM Orchestra is a stage you don’t want to miss, and definitely one I’ll be watching repeatedly — as soon as I’m fully conscious again. 

I started getting more groggy towards the end of the show. I was nearly asleep when 2NE1 performed. Their stage was visually stunning. Their vocals and dancing were incredible as well. I feel like I was one of the few who actually enjoyed their “Ugly” remix. I found it catchy and fun. 

Finally, we reached the moment I had been waiting for. SNSD: The Boys. Once again, my feelings can pretty much be summed up by the following: OMFGYESSSOIEHTOEUT)#U SNSDILUVYOUUUU#)UT MO#TIM UEOI DSGLJ KGJ TAEYEONYOUFUCKINGHOTBABE~!#!#!!!!!!!! The girls KILLED it! Charisma - overflowing. Vocals - strong. Dancing - powerful. THEY ROCKED IT. 

I don’t really know what happened afterwards. My mind went blank. I went into a happy trance, repeating my favorite moments of the show. 

SBS and SNSD definitely didn’t disappoint. What a show! :D 

(Source: xocescaxo)

-Stands up, nervously. Clears throat and begins to speak while avoiding eye contact-

Uhh, oh, hello. My name is Cesca. And uhh, I’m a Taeyeon stan.

I guess it all started over a year ago — around May of 2010. That was when I first discovered SNSD. I didn’t think much of it then. They were just this cute new group of girls I happened to discover. They seemed to enjoy dancing around in little cheerleader uniforms. Asian girls liked doing that kind of thing right? Acting all cute and dancing to bubble gum pop? No big deal at the moment. I watched a few of their videos now and then, but they didn’t occupy too much of my time. Then I discovered Soshified and my world was forever changed. Pretty soon I was watching subbed videos, one after another, not even stopping to sleep. I remember staying up one night to watch all the Star Golden Bell episodes. I couldn’t stop myself from watching. I was hooked. 

I’d never really encountered KPOP before, so I didn’t understand it yet. They all looked and sounded the same to me, so I didn’t have a bias. People kept saying there was a “leader” but I didn’t understand what made this role so special. Everything was so new and exciting.

Pretty soon I was catching up on Taeyeon’s “We Got Married” episodes. What a cute girl, I thought. A little strange, but still cute. She turned into a happy fangirl every time she looked at a poster with some actor I didn’t know. Such a dork. She gave her “husband” a nickname — Pudding. How typical of this cutie pie. Everything she did was laced with cuteness. But then… in her private interviews, she started reflecting on her time with her “husband”. And suddenly, she wasn’t just cute. She seemed so wise. So mature for someone so young and childlike. There was something very unique about this girl. And I liked it. 

I did my research. I found out more about her. Birthday: March 9, 1989. Role in SNSD: Leader and main vocalist. Nickname: Kid leader. This girl oozed “aegyo” without even trying. Her incredible vocals proved that big things come in small packages. As my interest in SNSD grew, so did my love for Kim Taeyeon. Any time I saw a picture or a gif of her, my eyes widened. I couldn’t contain my excitement. I squealed like a little girl finding out that she’s going to Disney Land. 

Now here’s a part of my story that I don’t think I’ve ever shared. There was once a time when… well… when my love for Taeyeon wavered. I couldn’t tell you why, even if I wanted to. I just don’t know. I found myself gravitating towards Sunny, then Seohyun, then Sooyoung. But I always came back to Taeyeon. Always. 

And now, here I am — a Taeyeon stan. I don’t know when I crossed the line from “Taeyeon-biased” to full blown “stan” but it happened. I love everything she does. Both good and bad. The way she belts high notes. The way her eyes turn into half moons when she laughs. The lazy way she dances during performances when she’s too tired to give a shit. The subtle way she leads the rest of the 8. The way her cheeks bloated when she gained some weight in 2010. The way her boobs grew when she gained that same weight. The way she dresses like a hobo at the airport. The way she used to lip sync to songs on Chin Chin. The way her voice sends shiver down my spine. The way she types strange noises when responding to UFO’s. The way she got her ass back on stage even after being dragged off by a deluded fanboy. The way her ass is fucking perfect. The way she cut and dyed her hair to look like some two-toned mushroom head. The way she shows her love for Sones. The way she reacts to things, making the most absurd and entertaining faces. The way she out-derps any other member in SNSD. The way she manages to be cute, hot, sexy, beautiful and an absolute goddess — all at the same time. 

There are a million reasons to love this girl. Everything she does is just so perfect to me. Some people may look at some of the things I listed and think, how is that a good thing? Are you actually deluded enough to actually like that stuff? The thing is, I am. I know she has faults, and I love her that much more because of them. I can’t help it. 

I am a Taeyeon stan.  

(Source: xocescaxo)

Read: [Part 1]

“SNSD is plastic” — One “argument” that people love to use is that the girls must have undergone plastic surgery due to the major physical transformations that can be seen throughout their career. But ladies and gentlemen, I’ll let you in on a little secret: lighting, makeup, hair, weight loss/gain and Photoshop. These can all severely alter someone’s physical appearance to the point that they’re unrecognizable. Of course, I don’t know for sure if any of them have had surgery. It’s definitely a possibility, but the majority of us really don’t know. And even if they did go under the knife, we have to understand that the KPOP industry idolizes a certain ideal of beauty and there’s a great deal of pressure to conform to this standard. Our idols are human beings with insecurities, just like us. I’m not saying it’s right or wrong to undergo plastic surgery if you’re unhappy with your physical appearance, but I think we can all at least try to understand why an idol would resort to such extremes. 

“SNSD are sluts” — Let’s look up the definition of a slut, shall we? a. A person, especially a woman, considered sexually promiscuous. b. A woman prostitute. Well, they are women, but the last time I checked, they’re neither sexually promiscuous nor are they prostitutes. Think about it. Realistically, when are they going to have the time to sleep around? That alone should tell you that they aren’t sluts. If your complaint is primarily about their scantily clad appearance, then you’re accusing the wrong people, folks. Sure, they have some input but: 1) Stylists have a great deal of control over what the girls wear and 2) Have you seen what other artists wear? In comparison, SNSD’s outfits are as tame as a day old kitten playing with a stuffed bear in A Pink’s dorm. I’m not just talking about female artists, mind you. Do Siwon’s bare, sweaty abs ring a bell? I thought so. 

“Sones praise SNSD like goddesses while bashing/dismissing everyone else” — As a Sone who also happens to like and support 2NE1, Wondergirls, KARA, Sistar, Secret and A Pink (among other artists), I’ll have to respectfully disagree. And I’m not the exception. I don’t know of a single Sone who listens exclusively to SNSD. We have a wide variety of musical interests. We may not always like every artists’ latest song or concept, but we certainly don’t bash just to be hateful. In fact, we spazz about other artists! We aren’t as close-minded as some make us out to be. 

“I don’t hate SNSD, I hate Sones” — Did you ever consider just not hating anyone? It takes so much energy to hate — energy that could be redirected towards spazzing about how hot your bias is or how incredible that new song sounds. SNSD makes Sones happy in the same way that your favorite artist(s) makes you happy! It’s okay not to like SNSD. We all have different musical preferences. But all this hatred and bashing is completely unnecessary. It takes away from the joy of KPOP. KPOP, at least for me, is something that brings a little cheer and fantasy into my life. It takes some of the edge off of daily life. It’s my own little happy world that I can immerse myself into after a hard day. I’m sure I’m not the only one. So, let’s try to keep it that way. :)